Dear John,

I don't know how to say this, but I hate you.
I think I realized it last year with Chuck Norris, and I saw you carve your name in my best friend.
I'm sure you're frost-bited enough to understand that your Honda sucks.
I'm sending back your ring, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory.
You should know that I am making a movie about our friendship.

Say goodbye to your creepy family from me,
Kristen

>Stolen from